Busy!

I just finished reading the book Charlie St. Cloud (first book I've finished in months!) which recently came out as a movie I have yet to see. Basically it's about two brothers and one dies. There's a part where the living brother is describing the situation to a girl and it really identified with me and what I'm still feeling with Drew's death. I just wanted to share it. The character Charlie explains what he misses most, "Most of all...I miss that feeling when you go to sleep at night and when you wake up in the morning. It's the feeling that everything's alright in the world. You know, that amazing feeling that you're whole, that you've got everything you want, that you aren't missing anything. Sometimes, when I wake up, I get it for just a moment. It lasts a few seconds but then I remember what happened, and how nothing has been the same since."

I've had that thought so many times. Several times a week- just driving in the car and I know something is different, something is missing. And I know, it's Drew. Drew is missing. And it still breaks my heart. And I don't know that I'll ever stop missing him.

I have a new motto for myself in this new ward that I've started from day 1 but just put together in my head today. I want to Love Like Drew. I look at people differently. I try to see them through Drew's eyes. Those people in my ward who he would have found fascinating, interesting, or unique that others might find homely, backwards, or plain. I'm hugging strangers. I'm striking up conversations with people I wouldn't normally talk to. Because I know Drew would.

My heart still hurts that Drew is no longer with us. I haven't been able to share about my brother with others in a controlled manner yet. So emotional still.

But our family is doing well. James is busy, he's already seen action over there. Flying a lot. The kids are happy. The town is great. I was just called to be in the RS presidency today. My testimony is strong. My love for the gospel is great. We live on....